The 2008 Christmas holiday will be a time in my life that I would rather not remember except for one notable moment. I was entering a new decade of my life unemployed. While I made concerted efforts to enjoy meeting up with friends and distracting myself with holiday events, I was feeling very anxious. One day late December I received a LinkedIn message from P.J. Ferrin (http://quailgirlspeaks.blogspot.com/). In a very polite note, P.J. inquired if I was the same Holly that had grown up in Duluth, Minnesota. The message was from my best friend from those formative years. As we entered high school P.J.'s family moved to California and despite our correspondence via snail mail, our lives eventually took different directions.
I was delighted to be reconnected with P.J. and value our renewed friendship. Although our vocations have been different, we have found many shared interests and values. The latest is encouraging each other to explore developing our blogs. I feel extremely fortunate that P.J. not only reached out to me at a pivotal moment but also has agreed to generously share her thoughts on change. The following comments were written in response to my questions via e-mail.
What are you doing now and what major change are you dealing with?
I retired two years ago, at age 58, and I am just beginning to feel like I’ve hit the stride I’d envisioned for myself in retirement. I’m currently volunteering at the non-profit nursing home in my community, and juggling several personal projects that I had put off until I retired. I’m also alert to business opportunities in case the economy forces me to resurrect my consulting business.
I have a difficult time thinking about change as if it’s a discrete entity. To me, change is life, like breathing. As I think about recent changes in my life, two categories emerge, change that I drive, or at least have some control over how it plays out; and change that is externally forced on me, where I may, or may not, have any control over how it plays out. The latter is the kind of change we tend to fear, bemoan and resist. My career changes during the last eight years were driven by an external force I couldn’t control—the declining health of my parents due to Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases. But thanks to extensive research into these diseases (knowledge is indeed power!), and my business experience, I was able to proactively craft a career move that supported my parents needs and my own.
How did you experience the change, i.e., a lightening bolt, a gradual change, other?
The change was gradual in the sense that I could see it coming and take some time figuring out the most logical and practical course of action. But there was a painful, lightning bolt moment when I realized I was not superwoman, and could no longer maintain a 70 hour per week, fast track career while managing parents with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases.
What was most challenging about the change, and what did you learn from the experience?
The most challenging aspect was exchanging high-paying executive work for low-paying administrative work in a non-profit nursing home. I’ve always lived a fairly modest and frugal lifestyle, so this wasn’t about not being able to buy the “stuff” I wanted. Even though I knew better intellectually, somewhere down deep I was equating wages with self-respect and it took me a while to figure this out and get past it.
Was there something unexpected that happened along the way?
Working in an institution that cares for infirm elderly people with dementia is not generally perceived as a desirable job. I believe most people think of it as depressing, menial work, and in many institutions this is unfortunately true. When I was searching for a nursing home for my parents, after each tour of a new facility I would sit in my car in the parking lot and cry. They were so depressing, even the ones with the fancy décor and perky staff. Then an acquaintance recommended a 112 year old Lutheran nursing home that ended up becoming a major part of my life. Scoping out the facility, I found an environment that exuded the joy, love, and self-worth of it’s residents, and the staff who cared for them. And this wasn’t some rah-rah show that was trotted out for potential customers—it was present every day. Being a part of, and a friend to this organization became one of the high points of my career. I never expected this outcome.
How did you stay motivated?
I stayed motivated by identifying the people at work who inspired and energized me, then arranging my work and commitments so that I had as much contact with them as possible.
Shut up! You’re ruining my dinner.
4 years ago
